The Angry Bullfrog

The truth is I have no idea why I’m doing this. A therapist somewhere in the UK thinks this might be a great idea and will fix all of my problems . Somehow I doubt that but I’m willing to give it a bash. 
Disclaimer from me as the blog title suggests I’m angry. However contrary to popular belief I’m not a real bullfrog (depending on who you speak to of course). 
She said to start back in the beginning, when things started to go wrong and just write it all down, but how do I do that when I don’t really know where it began. So I guess I’ll start at the point I made the biggest mistake of my life, the point that paved my future and created the shitstorm that followed. 
I was 14 when a man first violated me. He was around 50 years old, fat, and had hardly any teeth, the ones he did have were gold and yellow. What he did to me that day not only took my innocence it destroyed me. I went from a happy fairly confident teen who had only really just rebuilt her self esteem after severe bullying to an absolute wreck over night. 
My family had just had a massive heartbreak, I had no where to turn, and tbh wouldn’t have been able to find the words if I’d tried. 
Then came “Fred” (name changed as the twat will try to sue me no doubt). Fred was also a bit traumatised, he was pretty messed up too so I suppose we matched, he also claimed to fancy me. I didn’t fancy him if I’m honest but he was the only person interested in me or what I had to say, he also was the only person that “got me” (or so he claimed back then). 
Fred quickly became my go to, I don’t want to give him too much air time unless necessary so let’s just say, he wore me down and eventually I truly believed the world was against me and the only person that had my back was him. I withdrew from friends, stopped going out, stayed in to not miss his call (no mobiles then) because he didn’t like that. He saw it as me not caring enough when he had took the time to call me once or twice a week. 

And that is that. Where it began. Where the darkness started and why my life became an absolute disaster.